I Want My 72 Virgins Now!

Dear Sultan,
I believe in seeing is believing.

Therefore, before I go on this suicide-bombing mission to Eldorado, may I ask for my own 72 Virgins now.

No. I don't need the virgins in Paradise. I prefer the virgins here on earth.
Real virgin with flesh and blood and not those spirits of 72 Virgins in Paradise.
I may get to heaven and discover that I have lost my erection due to heavenly laws and my greatest fear is that sex may not be allowed in Paradise. And of what use will the 72 Virgins be to me if I cannot taste their pudding?

I want the 72 Virgins to be between the ages 16 and 30. Very succulent virgins. Selected from the United Arab Emirates.

I will test all the 72 Virgins by spending one night with one virgin for 72 nights and once I have confirmed that they were actually virgins before I tested their pudding, then I am willing to even lead the suicide bombers to anywhere you command.

Once, you give me the 72 Virgins...em, may I ask for Osama bin Laden's sexy niece as a bonus. Gosh! Imagine me riding Osama bin Laden's niece like a camel!
OSAMA BIN LADEN'S NIECE

Yes, I want her for just one extra night.
Sex is my own opium.

I am asking for my own 72 Virgins now right here on earth, because I don't want to get to Paradise and find that there are no more Virgins left to give me and again, I could be stopped from testing them.

Once, you have selected all the 72 Virgins, please contact me.
Please, note.
NO UGLY VIRGINS PLEASE.
Again, no fallen boobs.
I prefer virgin with upright "Good Morning" boobs and arrowhead tits.
If I discover that any hymen is already broken before my entrance, this agreement will be terminated and we will start all over again with another round of 72 Arab Virgins.

Your prompt and positive response would highly appreciated.
Your boggywoggyly,
"Alhaji". BoggyWoggy.
N.B:
I will drop the title of "Alhaji" if you don't give me a positive response within 24 hours and I will cancel my trip to Makkah.