Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Sex and Hypocrisy


This is actually based on a real dialogue I had with the father of one of my girlfriends some years ago in Lagos, Nigeria.

Mr. John: Deecee.
Deecee: Sir.
Mr. John: Are you ill or sick?
Deecee: No Sir.
Mr. John: But, my daughter said that you don’t have sex. And I was curious and anxious to know if anything is wrong with you.
Deecee: Nothing is wrong with me sir.
Mr. John: Nothing is wrong with you and you don’t have sex? A healthy man should have sex at least four times in a week.
So, what is wrong with you?
Deecee: Nothing is wrong with me. I don’t have sex, because I am a Christian and the Holy Bible commands us not to have pre-marital sex. Fornication is a sin.
Mr. John burst into laughter. And I felt embarrassed.

Mr. John should be thanking God instead of laughing at me.
He has very sexy gown up daughters and if not for the fear of God, I would have “bonked” all of them in Shomolu. Because, his daughters were very generous with their sexual intercourses once they liked you. And Shomolu girls are spoilt sex kittens. Imagine that boys actually take turns on many Shomolu girls and rate their erotic performances. Some of the obscene words they use are unprintable. Imagine boys describing a girl as having “watery” vagina? And they gossiped that another one had “tight cunt”.

My cousin Hawkins was one of the guys who sampled many of the Shomolu girls who were hawking their sexual pleasures for just a bottle of Coca-Cola and “Suya” (spiced barbecued beef). Well, I had Sussy gratis. We met on Friday, I completed my cross examination of her medical history on Sunday and laid her eagle-spread on Monday. I was a certified counselor in safe sex, so I practiced what I was qualified to teach.
PLEASE, LOOK BEFORE YOU LICK.
CROSS EXAMINE EVERYBODY BEFORE HAVING ANY RELATIONSHIP.


I have been lucky with nubile babes and ladies. Because, they truly desired and loved me without making financial demands.

In Nigeria, there are mothers and fathers who pimp for their daughters. And you see mothers using their pretty grown up daughters as sexy waitresses in their restaurants. And they still pretend that they are Christians and sneer at prostitution. But their daughters are worse than prostitutes.

I know a woman who had all her pretty daughters selling in her “Pepper soup” bar and the daughters attracted so many men to the bar to guzzle bottles and cans of beer and stout and have the opportunity to make passes at the girls. The girls who were between 16 and 21 flirted with the men and made them spend more money on drinks and hot pepper soup. Many of the men courted the girls and became their suitors. The prettiest of them all soon got married to one of the men and there only three left. So, there was a romantic scramble for them. But the oldest played hard to get and kept many of the men at arm’s length, except me. Because, she knew that I was not coming to their bar for the pleasures of romantic overtures. She soon started seeing me. And she was the most sought after of them. But, the men who were older and had money were curious and anxious to know why she could be attracted to me who they all knew was a strange bohemian artist and poet who was a vegetarian and whose precarious life should frighten her. But contrary to their expectations, my mystique made me unique and some of my cousins and well wishers mentioned my good qualities and looks. They joked that girls and ladies preferred tall guys like me, because tall guys have long penis. And every girl and lady prefers the long dick and the taller the man the longer the dick. And I smirked when I heard their jokes. Again, they said I was very good in conversations and with a good sense of humour. They have also seen me with Caucasian ladies like my darling Nikky who was a beautiful blonde from Munich. I was in a class of my own. And such a person would be very attractive to our local girls and ladies. The jealous and envious ones hissed and sulked. But, they thought most of the girls and ladies would be disappointed once they found out the well known fact that I was a strict Christian who never slept with all the girls and ladies in my company.

My own disappointment was the fact that, most of these men were married and professed Christianity and would be shouting loudest in criticizing prostitutes.
My final verdict is most girls and ladies who criticize and jeer at those they call prostitutes are not different. Because, any girl or lady going out with a guy for the pleasures of his money and riches is a prostitute. And if you marry a man, because of his money and riches, you are a prostitute.
Everybody has a price.

1 comment:

Felix Adebayo said...

Well said, Orikinla. Every babe has her price. All you need to do is to find out the price.